Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The beer is more important than you right now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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