All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
