used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
