I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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