Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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