the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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