my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
