Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
