she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
