I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
