I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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