Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
