Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
