i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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