he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
