awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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