Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
