my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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