I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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