My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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