You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You work out of a Hotel?
please come you make the beer taste better
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
