hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
