I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
