I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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