I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
