I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
