Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize