she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
