You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
