I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
