I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
