We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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