i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize