don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
