i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
