The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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