9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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