My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
