halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
