My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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