no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
