Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
