Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
