Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
