bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
