Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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