If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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