dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
