i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
