He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
