Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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