the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
