Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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