Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
