I didn't shave. On purpose
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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