just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
