Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
