I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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