I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
