Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
