Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Randomize
