yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
