I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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