so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
