my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
be right there i have to get my cape
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
