Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
