In America we eat man semen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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