is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
