To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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