"it" just moved
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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