Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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