I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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