i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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