I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize