i need an iv and a liver transplant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
