I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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