Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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