I accidentally had phone sex last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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