I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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