Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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