I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
