do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
