Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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