he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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