good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
