I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
