Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize