apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
