I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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