My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize