Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love having hate sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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