This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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